How I despise mowing the lawn.
You can fancy it up all you want. With music or mowing to a system, doing it fast to get a sweat on or slow to get it just right but it’s still BORING AS SIN when it comes down to it; a necessary IQ points drain. However, I have to admit it, my lawn looks spanking right now.
It took me a good two hours to complete, yes I know it’s a long time but I like to do things properly. In fact, as sad as this may sound, it’s almost a ritual now that has varied very little from the first day I proudly mowed the straggly collage of grass and weeds I called, “My Lawn”. I trim the edges, then I clean the strimmer. Then it’s out with the Big Boy; lawn mower time! When I’ve finished I clean it all off. That’s it, simple, efficient, necessary and brain-rottingly boring.
I always listen to music when I mow, it’s a must. No music, no mowing and that’s final. Then I mow to a system that makes the grass looked striped when viewed from the patio. Do I sound sad? Well that may be but pride in one’s work is fast going out of style and I find that rather lamentable. It is only mowing the lawn, I know, but on the other hand people judge other people by what they see and are presented with. I don’t really care what strangers think of me but I want to get on with my neighbours so I play the game, keep it trimmed, make it look nice and everyone’s happy. I have visions of them talking about me when I walk past.
Neighbour 1: There goes that English guy, look at his hair, what a mess, he should grow up.
Neighbour 2: His lawn looks good though, he’s Welsh actually.
Neighbour 1: Yeah, he is. You’re right, his lawn does look good, what a dude he is.
Or something like that.
This pernickety exactness that is so often scoffed at by people as a neurotic failing is absolutely essential when it comes to proof reading a manuscript. You can’t just “sort of” proof read, it has to be done properly, 100%. It’s like being pregnant, you either are or you’re not, there is no half a pregnancy. That’s why I’m a full-on Fail at proof reading, because I have the attention span of a hyperactive kitten. My mates George and Adam do it for me which is a massive help.
That said, even writing a book has to be approached in a methodical way. The story must flow, not be impeded, but supported by the characters with each chapter seamlessly gliding into the next. You cannot simply introduce a character at the end who will save the day, he has to be surreptitiously slipped in earlier in the narrative. There’s no dropping a main character halfway through because you forgot about him, he or she has to bow out gracefully. So do I employ the same methodology to my writing as I do to my mowing?
No, I’m far too chaotic.
I always have a beginning and an ending, and then a bowl of spaghetti in the middle that I try to make sense of.
Whatever, it keeps me off the streets, right?