The Lawn

How I despise mowing the lawn.

You can fancy it up all you want. With music or mowing to a system, doing it fast to get a sweat on or slow to get it just right but it’s still BORING AS SIN when it comes down to it; a necessary IQ points drain. However, I have to admit it, my lawn looks spanking right now.

It took me a good two hours to complete, yes I know it’s a long time but I like to do things properly. In fact, as sad as this may sound, it’s almost a ritual now that has varied very little from the first day I proudly mowed the straggly collage of grass and weeds I called, “My Lawn”.  I trim the edges, then I clean the strimmer. Then it’s out with the Big Boy;  lawn mower time! When I’ve finished I clean it all off.  That’s it, simple, efficient, necessary and brain-rottingly boring.

I always listen to music when I mow, it’s a must. No music, no mowing and that’s final. Then I mow to a system that makes the grass looked striped when viewed from the patio. Do I sound sad? Well that may be but pride in one’s work is fast going out of style and I find that rather lamentable. It is only mowing the lawn, I know, but on the other hand people judge other people by what they see and are presented with. I don’t really care what strangers think of me but I want to get on with my neighbours so I play the game, keep it trimmed, make it look nice and everyone’s happy. I have visions of them talking about me when I walk past.

Neighbour 1: There goes that English guy, look at his hair, what a mess, he should grow up.

Neighbour 2: His lawn looks good though, he’s Welsh actually.

Neighbour 1: Yeah, he is. You’re right, his lawn does look good, what a dude he is.

Or something like that.

This pernickety exactness that is so often scoffed at by people as a neurotic failing is absolutely essential when it comes to proof reading a manuscript. You can’t just “sort of” proof read, it has to be done properly, 100%. It’s like being pregnant, you either are or you’re not, there is no half a pregnancy. That’s why I’m a full-on Fail at proof reading, because I have the attention span of a hyperactive kitten. My mates George and Adam do it for me which is a massive help.

That said, even writing a book has to be approached in a methodical way. The story must flow, not be impeded, but supported by the characters with each chapter seamlessly gliding into the next. You cannot simply introduce a character at the end who will save the day, he has to be surreptitiously slipped in earlier in the narrative. There’s no dropping a main character halfway through because you forgot about him, he or she has to bow out gracefully. So do I employ the same methodology to my writing as I do to my mowing?

No, I’m far too chaotic.

I always have a beginning and an ending, and then a bowl of spaghetti in the middle that I try to make sense of.

Whatever, it keeps me off the streets, right?

Reg 🙂


8 thoughts on “The Lawn

  1. What are you like. Mine takes about 2 hours, because of the size of it. I get it cut in the quickest way possible. Equipment shoved away – job done !! 🙂

    • Where’s the love Tee, where’s the love? What about the edges, the corners? Cleaning the tools afterwards?
      I used to be like that but the older I get, the more concerned I am that it looks nice, lol. Sad aren’t I?

  2. The love is as follows. I cut it and have very few edges. Then my son borrows it whilst his is in lawnmowers hospital and then cleans it after in payment for the loan of it.
    Hah – love + job done!
    Will send some photeys so you can see what I mean.

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